As I was reading through the pages of Dancing with Destiny by Jill Austin, while I travelled back home today, God reminded me of a lesson learned a few years ago. A lesson that had caused my heart to love Him in a way I had never before.
He stretched out His hand in front of me asking me to dance with Him. With my eyes still closed, I saw myself reach out and fall into His strong arms. He steadied me and we stood still for a while. Then, He with the gentle nudging of His hand, He tenderly moved me to the rhythm of music I could not hear.
It was so effortless. I was captured by His gaze that moving along the dance floor seemed so easy. Without any conflict. I learned that to dance with Him was to trust Him. To be led by Him. To be captured by Him. My heart was awakened to love!
That was that day and this is now.
Even the best of us, after a while, resort to Christian clichés and forget the power that those very revelations once held. And, I have found myself at such a place where words spoken from my mouth ring untrue in my ears. My hope deferred heart finds no solace. This is not some sort of feigned humility. It is the state of my heart.
I am tired.
There is no better way to explain this. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. I am exhausted to the point of hopelessness. Didn’t He say that He wouldn’t leave me? Nor forsake me? Hadn’t He promised me strength to endure?
Then why do I feel so distant? Why does it feel like I have lost sight of who I am supposed to be? Why does giving up seem so easy when once the only thing I was ready to give up was my life if that is what it took to see Your purpose fulfilled on earth?
In answer to all my questions, He is calling me to dance with Him again.
You see, Jesus’ love causes Him to deal with the things that are holding us back. Somewhere along the way, I decided to take lead and move to the familiar sounds of what I had heard before. I wanted things done my way. But before I knew it, I found myself in the wilderness. For those who know me, you might have heard me talk about the wilderness for the longest time. Only I now realize that I did not get here because I wanted to. It was His Spirit that led me here in the first place.
I believe the wilderness to be a place of absolute dependence on God. You depend on Him for your every meal, your next drop of water, your next step and direction. It is also the place where God disciplines you in isolation. He also speaks to you the things on His heart. He allows your flesh nature to die so that when you step out of this place, you are then empowered by the Holy Spirit. It is here that purpose in purified.
Why should I have to go through something like this, you might wonder? Remember that Jesus went through it as well. He had moments even after his temptation where He had to deal with the wilderness. The garden of Gethsemane was one more such experience in His life. He went through the wilderness of death but emerged victorious and resurrected.
As I sit here writing I have decided to not walk through the wilderness anymore. Instead, I will dance. And dance through it with His hand in mine, looking into His eyes. We will dance.