It has taken two years and 9 months to bring myself to sit down in front of my laptop and write again. The last time I wrote was in April of 2011. Call it writer’s block or getting too caught up in this new phase of my life (now that I am married); something sure had changed.
To be honest, there were a few incidents that occurred along the way that had rattled my confidence. Harsh words, constant comparison to others, self-criticism at its worst which finally resulted in fear like I had never experienced before. The one thing that I thought I was good at was snatched away from me by these unwanted thoughts that began to fill in my head. Instead of being inspired by what I saw and heard, I began to cower away from the possibility of creating anything at all because I was so afraid of being wrong or not good enough. I continued to work as an editor and proof reader for projects by other people but I was unable to write anything that I could call my own.
I had begun to believe those lies (or half truths) that were spoken to me and were about me. I believed that I was not as good as I thought I was. Now, there is always scope to grow. As long as we are learning, we are growing. But my mind refused to believe that I could grow anymore that I already had. Everybody else was suddenly competition and not encouragement anymore. I had accepted that I was a failure at writing and left my quill to rot away till today.
I woke up with a nagging thought at the back of my head and I just couldn’t seem to shake it off. I took a moment to stop and ponder and I came to this understanding. I possess the DNA of the one whom I call Father. At the sound of His voice, everything that we know today found its existence and here I was, writing myself off as a good for nothing. If He creates then I can too! Because He made me that way.
The enemy will try to tell you that you are not good at what you are doing so that he can make you take your eyes off God and make you look at your failings and weaknesses. He will tell you half truths about what is really happening with you. This is a choice that you and I will have to make every day for as long as we live on this earth till His Kingdom comes; to believe what the enemy has to say about us or listen to the sound of our Father’s voice calling us up to higher ground.
“Make me more like You, Jesus”, this is a prayer I often make. And I have come to the realisation that the greatest hindrance to being like Him is the want to be me (Click to Tweet). I need to give up who I am to be more like Him.
When I become like Him, I don’t live under the fear of being accepted by everyone else because I carry His seal of approval in my heart. When I become like Him, I am not diffident anymore because He is my confidence. When I become like Him, I am a better me that I could ever be.
What have been your fears? How have you overcome them? Share your heart in the comments section below.